After long absence I’m trying to get back into bloging, and, believe it or not; writing. I have not written anything over the last few months. At first it was just due to being job-less, but a short while ago a close family member passed away. Now, I have lost many family members to illness, but this time it was different. When someone takes their own life away, you end up sitting with a lot of why’s. Why was he in so much pain? Why didn’t he confine in someone? His brothers? His dad? Me? Anyone?
He wrote in the letters he left that nobody had to blame themselves, but I still think about if it could have been prevented if I was just there more. It wasn’t until after his death and when his letters were read by his younger brother that it hit me how similar we were. That kind of scares me too.
I haven’t started to write again yet, despite writing always have been my emotional outlet for me. It was where I turned when I was in emotional turmoil. This time I didn’t. It feels strange.
But I think my path into… writing-hood(?), will come through one of my other creative outlets. Drawing. I just started a drawing of a character in a short story I was working on before this dark cloud of depression covered me. And I’m gonna take that as a good sign. It means I have started to think about writing again at least, and hey, I’m writing this post aren’t I?:)
Rest in peace my dear cousin, I hope you finally found peace.
theivorypen 